I can feel the piercing heat of two burning coals. Splashed with glistening crimson energy, they lie nestled in twin baths of burdensome confidence and are set firmly beneath two short bushes the color of burnt carrot that stand out sharply against the bleached, befreckled plain which is his face. Tufts reminiscent of handfuls of fox's fur reside above and below his excited mouth, dancing to the rhythm of that klaxonic orifice's opening and closing. Rows of sparkling teeth are revealed like chiseled lumps of quartz on a red velvet pillow, heralding the thunderclap of the foreboding challenge, "Fool! How dare you even THINK of standing up against me?! Now taste the power of the mighty THUMB OF GOD!!"
With a flick of his limber yet stumpy white thumb, James lets fly a smooth purple four-sided die, which tetrahedron bounds "tap, tap, tap," across the cluttered playing board like a puppy on steroids. With a pathetic "clunk," the cardboard counter representing my fated wizard is knocked into an entirely new map section, so that I am blocked between an aromatic rosebush and an enormous block of lime-flavored gelatin. It had all been going so well for me three turns ago when I had played "slow death," a nasty spell which drains the victim's energy as he replenishes his hand, a bit of sadistic irony I particularly enjoy employing. Before James was able to react I had filed for an extension and played "ugly" on him, causing him to run away from me and putting a good ten squares between his blue and my green wizard by the time the next turn started. During that turn, Tom distracted James with a fireball and I was within three squares of James' last treasure and ultimate victory when the blue fiend materialized in a cloud of smoke and a clap of thunder. How was I supposed to know he had "teleport?" So here I am, stuck between a rosebush and a block of Jell-O and me with no hedge clippers or spoon. Now James is playing "buddy" on Tom, so that (much to his annoyance) Tom's red wizard may no longer attack James' treacherous blue terror, who is now en route to my treasure squares! James ends up stealing both my treasures, thereby eliminating me and winning that game of Wiz-War, just one more entry in his long list of gaming victories.